Top 10 Ways to Let You Reach 38 Years of Marriage With No Regrets:

You would think that in thirty eight years of marriage, I would have gotten it.

But no, but no.

I am still learning, each day.

Probably because we are ever changing entities, prone to the variances of hormones, weather, location and peripherals.

That said, there are absolutes.  There are those things that I have ticked off as necessary for survival of this thing called marriage.

Since my Hubby is a big part of my global thinking and wisdom, we sat down, on this day, to peruse, why, how this thing called our marriage, has worked.  Worked well, joyfully and enjoyably despite it's many detours and trials, for these many years. 

Here is our compiled list:

10.  Love is not a feeling.  It is a choice, a daily choice.  So is long term commitment.  You have to establish from the beginning that this is For-ev-er.

9.  Love each other more than your own passions and desires.

8. Accept how your spouse is wired.  Obviously, (hopefully) your spouse is different; that's why you like him. He completes you.

7. Laugh. A. Lot.

6. Grow old gracefully.  Enjoy each other's extra weight and lines and wrinkles as growth rings that you both had a part in.

5.  Acknowledge each other's strengths and help each other with their weaknesses.  Without judgment.

4.  Be crazy complimentary about each other.  Note extra labor, kindnesses, thoughtfulnesses, good judgment.  Be verbal about your compliments and generous with your hugs. Let your children hear you compliment your spouse and make sure you sing praises of your spouse to your children.  Conversely, do not complain and whine about your spouse to your children or others.  Keep your business, your business.

3.  Anticipate the needs of your spouse.  Be the best student of each other.  Know the warning signs of stress and intercede.  Provide a good meal for a long day of work.  Or treat out when that is needed too.

2.  Be content.  Live within your means.  Be frugal.  Be accepting of your financial situation without trying to make it otherwise.  Have dreams and hopes but live correctly in the present.  Be creative and joyful in what you have.

1. Gotta have Jesus in your lives.  Period.  You have to have the strength and wisdom of a Divine, Perfect Counselor to guide you and your imperfect selves.

May you be blessed on your journey......

Gracie Beth is 2!!

 I was with Gracie Beth's mama when she took her pregnancy test.
I was snug in bed on that cold, snowy December Night when GB's daddy called to let me know that Big Brother Grant needed a babysitter at 4:00am.
I was cozy on their couch at 6:30am when her daddy called to tell me that she had arrived.
I was the one that had the privilege of having the Celebratory Breakfast with Big Brother Grant when he woke up to the news.

 I was the one that rounded up BBG, Baby Girl , Hubby, Youngest Son and myself into a teeny little car on that cold, snowy December 15th, to introduce BBG to his baby sister.

 We all got to watch the sweet introduction of Big Brother to Little Sis.
I got to hold her at less than 8 hours old.

 I got to sneak a peek at her two day old self when bringing chickie pot pie to the little family.

 I got to watch the fun first year and all it's ups and downs and boo boos...

 I was joyful as one of her very select first words was 'Nana'....

 I got to have a traveling secret with her....When we went anywhere, I got to hold her little hand and rub her palm to calm down reverse car seat agitations....It calmed her right down....
I got to help feed this voracious appetite some of her first solid food.....And thoroughly enjoyed it......
And last year, I got to make her first doll for her first birthday....

So it was with lots of sweet memories, that Nana sat down to her sewing machine to create a most special Library Book Tote for such a big girl. I included flannel from her reverse seam quilt and fabric from the summer britches I made her last year.  I even included bits of her mama's mama collection purses in the mix.  And since she will be joined by Baby Brother Liam in April and hedged on the other side by Big Brother Grant, I thought it only fitting to douse her with pink and frou-frou tutu to ward off all the boyishness that will surround her soon....

My sweet little Gracie Beth...Your hugs are the best......
Happy Birthday!

Snippets

 We knew that the weather would be tricky.
We knew that we knew the route like the backs of our hands.
We knew that we had a small window to return home before leaving again for northern climes and New Life.
We knew we had to make a break for it.
And it was a memorable travel time.
Lots of time for silence, white knuckle gripping of the steering wheel throughout the wonderful scenic meanderings of State Route 50 in Southern Indiana.  All times of the year, the gently rolling hills make for entertainment of what could be a way too long journey to Miss Vivie's home or returning thereof.


But this Sunday Drive was a bit more of a challenge than we bargained for.  As swiftly as we left the interstate system in Ohio to the slower two lane way of Indiana's State Route, the weather shifted to treacherous and we held on for the ride.
Hubby says that the weather and driving hazards were nothing compared to the freaky ride with a hypersensitive co pilot with absolutely no driving skills.  And I completely agree with him; I even scared myself with my crazy edge of the seat- swervy- nervy.  Whew.

 As we slowly blew into the nearest city to our little home town, our contact with Youngest Son found him at a local restaurant/bar, watching the Bears in weather worse than our own.  The restaurant was directly in front of us so we pulled into the blustery parking lot with it's neon sign beckoning the wayfarers in from the winter storm.  Few cars were in attendance and for a minute we wondered the prudence of even stopping, given the quickly moving front. But Hubby, needing a break for his bulging disk worn back (and from the whiny pants next to him in the front seat) we blew caution to the wind and sought out nourishment and a hug from a very missed Youngest Son.  Our arrival was akin to the kissing of the tarmac after flight turbulence.  Very appreciative for the landing.

We entered this little restaurant warmly received by the hostess even though we have seldom visited.  We were intrigued by the gathering of patrons, riveted to the weather channel on the big screen TV in the corner.  Christmas Decorations and the scene outside the many windows made for cozy camaraderie, as each guest was asked about their story venturing out.  Seeing our son and updating each other on our time apart, instantly calmed us down and we were ready to order a meal for which we didn't even think we were hungry for.  The warmth of the room, the friendliness of the staff, the good choices for our varied appetites turned this rugged journey into a very pleasant Christmas Story.  The owner/chef came out to the dining room to check out the customers stories and to relay his appreciation for our attendance despite the weather.  When my dessert came (include with the special) an extra was brought for Hubby, even though he went for lighter fare. The waitress stated that she just didn't want to see him have to watch me eat dessert by myself.


Soon, this little group of people, joined by bad weather and hungry appetites, all started to leave for home, each one was bidded journeys mercies and safekeeping....We said adieu to our son and his buds as they watched the Bears struggle and we faced the blizzardy parking lot in the light of the Christmas lights flashing around us.


Be grateful for the blizzards in your life...They make the respites ever so sweet....

Sle-eep In Heavenly Peace.....

Naptime.
I fought them in my tiny-ness only to want to call them in when reaching a certain age that needed more sleep than nighttime provided.
My firstborn seemed to follow that pattern as well, and she is still unable to nap during the day.
Now, I get to witness a third generation of Nap(sleep) Rebels.


Miss Vivie, like her mama, is all too aware of the fun of consciousness.  She is sure as shootin thinking that all the fun in the world is going on while she is off to the Land of Nod.  Cannot convince her otherwise.
She doesn't get terribly crabby, just insistent that sleep is not necessary.


So it was with great effort that I decided to help her see the joy of napping. After all, I could have earned a PhD in the varied techniques that I have honed through my adult years in the Fine Art of Sleeping in Varied Circumstances and Locations.


 With a great deal of confidence and willingness to sacrifice some wakeful time, I set out to Show Her The Way.
In my research, I discovered that her little 21 month old resolve is stronger than all the Nap Tricks that Mimi could pull out of her...ear.


Her little will manages to conquer the strongest of three adults attempts to convince her otherwise.  Tag teaming, threats, indulges, sound machines, lined curtains, seemed to be repelled by her invisible Sleep Shield.  If she, by chance of the napping gods, does fall asleep, too often she is somehow informed by her automated Sleep Police that she is indeed, asleep, an unseen alarm goes off, weeping ensues and we are again back at square one.


I tend to blame this all on my mother.
She was the one, after all, that cursed me, with sleepless children.  Mom, did you really extend it to the following generation?  C'mon.  Let's cut Eldest/Admin a break and withdraw the Curse of the Sleepless Children.


But, when the planets line up, when the favorite books of my Young Mama's Time, have worked their charm, when the pacie that is only permitted in her room is in place, when Mimi's quilt is snuggled around, when Mimi made dolly, CoryAnne, is nearby and sleepy kisses and huggies are shared and sleep is around the corner, ah, it is bliss.  Mimi stayed in her room extra long to just watch this little angel sleep in heavenly peace.


My little sweetie, indulge yourself in the blessing of nurturing sleep...Too soon the alarm will go off to go to work/school/appointments/life and you will wish for those comfy, cozy days of endless naps......

Not a Creature Was Stirring....(apologies to Sweet Sharon)

Cats and their perches.
Around our home and especially our neighborhood, their perches can be just about anywhere. Neighbor Cats insist that I have need for a new cat since the demise of  Miss Kitty last spring.  Do cats, like hobos of old, mark the house as 'Suckahs'?  Do they know that they only cats I've owned have been those that adopted me? I keep looking for a banner, a 'serving number 53' device by the back door, or some cryptic carving informing all of Catdom that I could be swayed. Nevertheless, my garden, my outdoor wicker, patio furniture will, on a good weather day, be upholstered with the finest of Cat personages.  Mostly unknown to me.  They will even look at me, annoyed, that I would even question why I should disturb them.  I started leaving them alone long ago.  I have accepted that foreign cats will decorate my yard, porch and patio.  The hanger ons will go pretty predictable for awhile, then out of the blue, I find a ball of fluff in the least likely place.  Ditzy Stella has a record for the Craziest Cat Perches Ever.  Indoor and out.  This week Stella has approved of the newly installed Christmas Tree and it's silky skirt.  She has spent a good deal of each day this week in this exact position.  Last night, whilst Blogging, she was actually snoring.  Good ol' Stella.

However, unlike my feline buds, roosting in one place very long is not on my agenda this week.  Tomorrow, Miss Vivie calls me for a week of hijinks and conversation in her nearly two year old communicative way.  Mimi is abandoning the calls of the Pre Christmas Sewing Room to a higher call- helping Eldest/Admin for the week.  Packing for the week long trip includes extree things IN CASE a certain other Granddaughter decides to make her appearance and Mimi needs to greet her.  Ah, the blessedness of being needed by BOTH daughters and granddaughters at the same time!!  Tough, huh??!

So this blog shall take another rest while caregiving and fun and frivolity take place, followed by prep for Vivien's First Christmas at Mimi and Papa's.

Welcome December!
We have been waiting a l-o-n-g time....!!

Craft Lady Strikes Again!

I'm at the grocery store last month when a little girl in a cart speaks to me as I pass by. 'I know you!  You're the Craft Lady in my class!'  I acknowledge her cheerfully and tell her that I am in the store, actually, to get supplies for the Thanksgiving Craft that we would be doing the next day.  She asks, so what will we be making?  I inform her that we will be making little Thanksgiving Baskets that will be filled with our thankfulnesses.  She seems pleased and I continue on to the discount meat section of the meat case.  The next morning, I enter the first grade class to a louder than normal voice than is allowed in first grade, 'There she is! The Craft Lady! And with a bit of an air of superiority, she says quite confidently, 'And I know what we will be making today!  Thanksgiving Baskets!  I know because I saw her at Jay C's last night!'  Thankfully, she did not mention that she saw me rummaging through the discounted meat section.

This month, the craft was Christmas Stockings that will be covertly filled with little treats from now till Christmas Break.  Lovely Wife and Pretend Granddaughter Sara helped Saturday with the cutting out of 40 little sockie shapes.  Hubby painstakingly cut three holes in each one.  And I volunteered more of my vintage sequins and goo gaws for the effort.

I am always well pleased with the artistic interpretation of each little creation.  This month was a hoot as this year's class warms up to this weekly visitor to the class.  Monthly, we do crafts, but once a week I go in to help their very apt teacher with the weighty paperwork of copy making.  Each weekly glimmer into the goings on in this very busy room adds to my admiration of the profession of teaching.  Magic is worked in the lives of these little people and if I can sneak in with my Craft Box chock full of sequins, buttons and yarn, then I am a happy crafter.  Nothing like installing the love of gluing and felt into impressionable pre artists and crafters.

I had stockings completely covered.  I picked the well glued sequins from many a little fingers.  I loved the courage of the minimalist.  I enjoyed the little girl in love with my vintage buttons.  One little toothless wonder asked me no fewer than ten times if we could use glitter.  She assured me that she NEVER made a mess with glitter.  I told her that glitter had a life of it's own and was known to remain in a room long after children had graduated.  She would pause a bit then approach with a new tactic.  Admittedly, I almost caved only to be relieved when the same little persistent girl's little red stocking was the only one dripping in glue and falling embellishments. One could only wonder what she could have done with three vials of glitter that she caressed in her hands.

I presewed most of the stocking but left about six inches on the perforated side open so that the kids could 'stitch' it closed with a bell laden piece of yarn.  I let them know that this was the first step in sewing; putting two pieces of felt together without benefit of staples, glue or tape.  They were impressed with themselves.....

And I was too.
Get messy with your favorite child today....

A Most Extraordinary Thanksgiving

When one gives birth to four children (not at the same time, silly!), one figures that once those small babies grow up, holidays could be tricky, attendance-wise.  Fortunate for me,  mothering four of my little progeny did enable me to become something I never was before - flexible!
I determined that I would roll with the plan that would work out best for children even when it works out that Hubby and I are by ourselves- like last Christmas. (Top Secret: It was a wonderful time.  But we acted like we missed everyone.  Well, we did, but we were quite comfy in front of the fireplace with our books and music....:D)
This Thanksgiving Eldest/Admin had their turn at the other parents.  Eldest Son and Lovely Wife have family in our town so they were taken care of.  Youngest Son jumped in the car with us and we high tailed it northerly in some sleety kind of rain to join Baby Girl and Her Hubby for a Thanksgiving that ranks up there with Very Memorable.
BG and Her Hubby live in the married housing on Purdue University's Lovely Campus.  Economically, fabulous for them, but square footage-wise, a bit on the short side.

When we first decided to join the Very Soon To Be Parents for The Day, there were the pesky worries about space for turkeys in an apartment size stove.  Concerns about sitting space and counter space.  So being so very flexible, I searched for just the right petite turkey recipe with the modicum of oven usage. BG came up with stove top recipes whilst I commandeered the oven.  It worked out swell.

When the menfolk started moving furniture around for space to eat, BG's Hubby and Youngest Son discovered a very large leaf to their fairly new table, hidden conveniently and efficiently underneath.  When I say 'new table' I mean that it is new to them.  The story of how E/A and BG absconded with the find on the street of inner city Cincinnati and jammed into a smallish Honda, is quite good; the kind that makes a Thrifting Mama proud.  When we inserted the leaf, our counter space opened up and we were in business.
BG's Nine Month Pregnant Body settled in for a good rest and we listened to her as she delegated assignments from her perch on the couch.  We were all in the same room/rooms (Kitchen, dining room, living room are all the same) so we did all things as one unit which made things cozy, fun and lovely.  The Former Non Flexible Deb would have found this whole set up completely unsatisfactory, but the new, improved very flexible Deb, found it crazy fun and couldn't have asked for a better set up.  We set the tables with a vintage tablecloth, odds and ends of BG's Thrifty Finds and the ever flexible mama, even allowed Thanksgiving to continue without candlesticks or even candles!  It was my job to bring them, according to BG's very thorough list, but alas, candles did not  make my list.  And we had a most amazingly delicious meal despite a lack of candlelight.  The constant drizzle (and pounding down) of rain set an even cozier feel to the teeny apartment.   BG's Hubby, not one to sit too still for too long, decided early in the day, that he was going to build a bookshelf.  Having known this young man for nearly ten years, I didn't even blink.  He just knew, having known me for ten years, that he could not interrupt the cooking or the eating while carrying out his plan.  So while I chopped, sauteed, trussed and blanched, BG's Hubby was out in the rain, by the apartment's storage shelter, hand sawing large planks of wood that he had scavenged out of house that was being torn down.  He brought the shelves in after the meal was finished, the dishes done and the pie not yet sliced into.  The excitement of the feat brought on a complete rearrangement of the little space from the Main Room, sprinkling over into a hallway organizational coup that BG and I accomplished.
We sliced into the Squash Pie nearly at the end of our Thanksgiving Home Makeover and proclaimed the day one of the most interesting and productive Thanksgivings ever.

Recently, I watched a television program where this woman completely remodeled her home, a mansion of sorts, and throughout the whole show, she kept referring to the fact that it was necessary (this major overhaul on a home that looked just dandy to me!) because she was having family in for Thanksgiving.  I do so want to write her a note and tell  her how much fun and just a bit cheaper than her foray into justifying major indulgence, that we had and how I wish she could have been as flexible as I am.  I could have saved her a bunch of dough and the looks on her sons peevish faces could very well have been a bit happier.

Do not limit your hospitality by being 'prepared'; sometimes the finest times are those times where you are blissfully at the mercy of situations......
Enjoy your company this holiday season......