The Look

One of my children's friends told his mom once, 'When Deb gets mad, her eyes turn red.'  Granted, he was usually the reason that my eyes turned the smoldery red when he visited.  He was known to continually step on one's last nerve.  But it wasn't that unusual in those days for my eyes to turn red and my scowl a given.  I had a temper and I used it.  I was known to throw things and slam doors.  I could growl commands and wield a mean paddle.

I was not a nice, sweet neighborhood mom.  I served kool aid, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, provided band aids and was known to rescue a neighborhood bully once or twice, but I really was never sweet to my children's friends.  I did all those things with little comment or smiles.  I did it lovingly but not affectionately.  I had my favorites, but for the most part, my kid's friends knew me as the commandant, the police, the enforcer, the law.  Dare you cross me or one of my children, watch out.  I could be fierce.
I believe that there is no room in parenting for being your child's Buddy.  I don't think that we are called to chum around with our children's friends.  I think a Healthy Fear of one of the Neighborhood Moms is probably the best way to keep control and respect.  The kids knew that I would help them in a fix, but I would not 'hang out' with them.  They knew the boundaries just by a mere look.  Ask my adult children today what 'The Look' was and they still may shiver.  I meant business and did not threat idly.  My grandmother used to say, 'Promise them candy; give them candy.  Promise them a spanking; give them a spanking.'  I would not have won any popularity contests amongst my children's friends.  Then.

But then comes the day when you can let down your guard. The day comes when it all pays off and you can, at last, be your kid's friends.  You can have conversations and laugh a lot about days gone by.  You can hug them and accept them and do for them. I have several of each of my kid's childhood friends that I still keep in contact.  They have to wonder why I am so different, but most of them have children of their own so I'm sure it gets clearer as their kids age, just what Ol' Mrs. Cory was up to.

I wanted them to know respect.
I wanted them to know boundaries.
I wanted them to know that while their presence was welcome, their misbehaviour was not.
I wanted them to fear the consequences of their actions.  And Know That I Would Carry Out Threats.

While this was not a fun, easy thing to do, it did have it's advantages when my whole house was taken over by mass quantities of children's friends.  One look, sometimes, my mere entrance into the room, would cause silence and politeness.  Overnights were a snap and multiple birthday parties were no prob.

I think today, we are too eager to be liked  by our children and their buds.
We are fearful that they won't like us.
Not to worry.  With the proper amount of loving attention, even when it's not cheerful and doting, a child can read beyond the surface to the intent.  Sometimes, the Nicest Mom can be hell on wheels in other ways towards children.  At least my little visitors always knew where they stood with me.

Do yourself a favor.  Let your kids friends be friends with them, not you.  At least until they're older.  Then you might have to have a secretary to keep track of all the 'Offended Children' that you made in the past....
Trust Me....

Pearls from Edith

As a young mama, I actively sought out spiritual/family mentors.  I knew I wanted to be a Godly Mother, but I truly had no idea what that meant.  Then one day a friend introduced me to Edith Schaeffer.  Edith is the wife of Christian Philosopher and prolific author, Francis Shaeffer.  He is the author of such epic tomes as "Whatever Happened to the Human Race?",  'A Christian Manifesto', True Spirituality', 'How Then Shall We Live?', 'The God Who is There', 'Art and the Bible'.  Knowing a bit of his life and of L'Abri (labri.org), I knew I wanted to know more about the Woman behind this incredible man.

It was then, that I knew the woman that I needed to model my motherhood after.

I read Hidden Art several times.  Then on to 'Tapestry' and 'Common Sense Living'.  I was introduced to their daughter through her life changing book, 'For the Children's Sake' and started to understand the value and responsibility of learning vs. schooling.  I do believe I have loaned out 'For the Children's Sake' so  many times that my dog eared copy needs replacing.

But Hidden Art is my favorite.

In it, Edith shares the intrinsic weaving that is mothering, teaching, and everyday Christian Living.  She's the one that showed me how to involve all of my life into my Christian life, without being tedious or overbearing or smugly self righteous.  She showed me that celebrating the daily and mundane with a eye to the gifts from God.  She has been an amazing mentor to me.

I think I have purchased this book and given it out to many young mama's looking for the same everyday joy for celebrating their babies and children with new eyes.

And so it came to pass that I needed to replace my own copy. 

Imagine my excitement in finding an autographed copy on half.com.!

It was one of those God things; Christian Karma!  I had given all my other copies away so that I could receive a personal note from Edith herself!

And so it sat on my bookshelf, waiting patiently for the next opportunity to be a gift to some other Young Mama.

Last week, I started to prepare for my first session for the mama's collection of friends First Annual Crafting/Spiritual Retreat (I told you that you would be hearing much about this!! :D).  The first session is called, 'God's Creativity in Our Lives' and I started combing my bookshelves for some references.

And there she was.

My Friend Edith!

Why I had not gone to her immediately?  The session I want to share is, the essence of her book!  Of course it is!  It's where I learned it!!

So I open the book, and read for perhaps the first time, the inscription, that Edith made over 30 years ago to an unknown woman named Jenny.

The date seemed familiar to me....

I searched my diary archives to realize that the long ago week in October, when Edith was probably speaking at a woman's conference, my pre Christ life, was tumbling apart.

It was the week that we were told that our beloved firstborn would never walk and that never mind that she had been in a body cast for over 6 months, her treatment would have to begin again.

An abysmal pit.

It was with a gasp that I read the last sentence on her inscription to "Jenny" ...'to spur you on to special creativity in the days ahead in all the adversity of circumstances...'

I may not be the Jenny that asked for the autograph, but this benediction was meant for me at that time in my life......And it was so....It was the many days of hospitalization and treatments that taught me to be creative in whatever I had to work with.....

The next mama that needs this book will have to wait till I order another one; this one is mine........

For what its worth

I have a passion for directing new/young moms on the incredible journey of parenting. I have enjoyed to great depths, my path of mothering four children into adulthood and feel humbled and overjoyed at the amazing people that they have become. There is no formulas or special recipes for this. Purely intentional, greatly inspirational, supernaturaly and mostly determination.

This does not come easily. That 's where I come in. I want to steer the next generation of loving mamas into a blanket of encouragement and affirmation. The journey of molding a tiny infant into a walking, talking, thinking individual, bent on doing good on this good earth is a daunting experience and one best taken with the wisdom of the ages and the benevolence of those that have previously traveled the path.

So that's where I come in. Not as a know it all. Think of me as mentor, encourager, teacher.

I look forward to sharing my journey and encouraging you on yours. I want you to reach my age with no regrets or second guessing, or what ifs. Live your life with your little ones as an exciting adventure. Soak up the newness that they experience each day right along with them.

And always rest.

Join me and let's discover all the wonders this time has to offer......