Sweet Adeline

I clearly remember being pregnant with Eldest Son and having this niggling fear that I dared not speak of.  It hadn't been that long since Eldest/Admin had been the baby and my new mama protectiveness and passion for my firstborn was still coursing through my veins.  Finally, one night, I admitted my deep, dark secret to Hubby.  I nearly whispered in the dark, as we watched the in utero shenanigans of ES while E/A slept sweetly between us.  I said, in that quiet tone, 'But what if I don't love this baby as much as I love My Firstborn?  We have gone through so much together; I have grown up through her and her mere existence has changed me forever.  I owe her.  How can it possibly be that I could love another as much as I love her?'  

 Wise Hubby.  He is used to my rants, my self doubts, my fears, and with a sleepy voice he responded, 'You don't take away the love from this one; your heart multiplies, not divides.'  He probably rolled over and slept peacefully while I considered this new perspective.

 Indeed, one second after being introduced to my sleepy Second Child, First Son, I could almost feel my heart enlarge in order to hold this new love.

 And the theory proved true again and again.  Hubby was oh so right.

 Then Grandmahood came into my life to nearly form a whole new heart to encapsulate all the love that is to come.  Miss Vivien started the Gramma Heart within me.  She made sure there was plenty of room to fit all the cousins I'm sure that she knew would follow.  And good thing for that!  Lil Lady cozied right in  filling more of the space in breath.  Funny thing about this Gramma Heart; it makes ones countenance peaceful, ones wisdom honed and ones ability to let major things roll right off the back in order to assist and share life with the beloved grandchild.

 This weekend added a whole new chamber to this Mimi's Gramma Heart.  Sweet Adeline arrived in a flurry of medical intervention to assist her harrowing birth.  Funny thing about harrowing births.  You admire the wee little peanut of a girl's tenacity and feistiness.  You admire your son and daughter in law as they handled the medical emergency with grace and peace.  You view your 'Little Boy' and his Lovely Wife in a new light as they begin the amazing, incredible and scary journey of parenthood.  I could almost visibly see and feel their previous limited hearts, expand and grow right before my very eyes.  A wonderful thing to behold.

 So as we left Sweet Adeline in very capable hands today, silence filled our car as we ventured home.  Picturing her grapefruit sized head in the hand of her daddy.  Sighing with the image of her mama sweetly feeding her with the patience of a saint.  Trying to imagine her growing each day to fill her preemie clothes.  Wondering how to divide up my time to accommodate all my precious grandgirls.......

But I need not fear anymore about dividing up my heart.  That dilemma has more than been taken care of.  I know now that only the time needs to be divided.  The love is multiplied over and over again....


God Bless You, Sweet Adeline.....Mimi loves you abundantly.......