The day had arrived for my first infusion. To say I was a little anxious is a little like saying the Pacific Ocean is a little pond. With blood pressure soaring and heart racing, I went forward, not knowing how in the world this health conscious woman, who has eaten clean, taking only a few medicines for years and dismisses most medical interference, was going to survive the next four hours.
But by God's grace and mercy, I pushed forward. I had told my friends that there was no way, if it came to me ever having cancer, that I would put myself through it. I would take my chances and hope for the best. Fortunate for me, I am surrounded by wise advisors. Advisors that asked me to be open. To be thoughtful about the ramifications. To remember that I'm not the only one that is affected by this weighty decision. I looked into the faces of my husband and children and thought about my grandchildren. How could I face them with the answer that Deb/Mama/Mimi didn't want to be uncomfortable. Didn't want to be inconvenienced by the onslought of chemicals that I would be inviting into my pride filled tabernacle of my doing? Last year, one of our pastors gave a sermon on our idols. We were to write it down, pray about how it interuppts our relationship with Jesus, then lay it down at His feet. My idol you ask?
Comfort.
Who among us races to uncomfortable situations? Unless you fly with a flare for drama, the answer will be hardly ever. As it is with me. I THINK I do uncomfortable things for the ministry, but I do it in a way that it fits into my comfort parameter. I do it. Not waiting for Jesus to show me when I need comfort or if I need it to accomplish His purposes.
I have people around me that have good memory. One of them, kindly reminded me of my idol. And there it was. I could not justify telling myself (and my people) a few years later, 'Well, I guess I shoulda gone through it.'
So here I am, in infusion room number 4 on a cold January day. All the preliminary work began. Paperwork, port readying, blood work, doctor visiting prep. As I waited for the go on the mixing of the infusion, I sat with my headphones on, blasting worship music and soothing myself with colored pens and sketchpad. I sensed someone looking at me. It was the very concerning eyes of my previously kind and gentle nurse. I removed my headphones to hear her. There was a concern about the two drugs I take regularly and it's devastating clash with my prescribed infusion mix. An astute pharmacist caught it while she perused my chart. Concern and doubt in the heads of my trusted team was not something I could handle. I wanted to run and run fast. I needed confidence and care, not bewilderment. Pat and I hashed it all over the best we could, for it rattled my calm, collected husband as well. I paced and paced while several consultations were taking place. The final agreement was that they suggested resetting my appointment and selecting a substitute.
While clearing and closing my port, I asked my nurse if that had ever happened before. She replied, 'Not on my shifts'. While she went over the new meds and orders, she confidentially shared, 'I believe you dodged a bullet today. The medicine you were to take was one of the strongest.' Gulp.
We went home extremely thankful for a pharmacist that was looking out for her patient. Those two drugs have been on my chart for years and years, yet no one considered the counterindications except for the young woman for which it was her job. I will always be praying for the TEAMWORK it takes to care for patients. To do your job above and beyond what is expected.
Praise GOD from Whom all blessings flow!
And it gets 'better'.....
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